Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Grow, Baby Bird, Grow
We're married now! I feel like I have post-wedding depression, though. Now that the excitement has come and gone I miss it terribly.... how beautiful everything was, how fun, joyous, scarey and exciting. A once-in-a-lifetime moment! And it's over. Just like that.
Actually, it's not really over just like that. The beautiful thing about being married is that it *does* feel different. You know how friends always ask you if you feel older on your birthday, and you don't ever really because it's just another birthday. Not that we don't feel older eventually, it's just that the birthday doesn't necessarily present us with that strong of a feeling of change. It's sort of, anti-climatic.
Anyway, when people ask me if it feels different being married.... the answer is a most definite "yes!" I wouldn't have told you a few weeks ago that this is how I expected to feel, but it really is different. It's special. The love really does grow, and deepen. I feel the butterflies in my tummy when he introduces me as his wife. I'm still getting use to the name change. But most of all, I love how I look at him now, when he doesn't know I'm watching... it's a thought, a realization, that catches me a little by surprise every time. 'Oh, this is my husband' I think. And suddenly I feel a rush of love and affection, a giggle too -- as if it's secretly amusing to my self.
We've been talking about saving up to buy a house. But where? Where oh were do we want to live? Atlanta is actually extremely appealing. I've thought about out west, but I'm not that drawn to the architecture. There's just something about these east coast craftsman style homes built in the 1920's that are so, so charming. I want to have a child. Yes, already. There's so much we want to do... it's hard to imagine how we're going to get all of our ducks arranged in the proper rows. I know that I don't want to rush it too much, though, because I want to be here now, soaking every moment in. I'm anxious to grow a family, but at the same time, scared of it because once that world beings it means we are slowly marching towards our own death, as our children begin to grow and eclipse us. Wow! What a thought. And it only seemed like yesterday that we were skipping class and riding around town with the freedom of adolesence at our feet.